SOME THINGS TO THINK ABOUT

My brother-in-law opened the
bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and
lifted out a tissue-wrapped package.
"This," he said, "is not a slip.
This is lingerie."
He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip.
It was exquisite;
silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace.
The price tag
with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,
at least 8 or 9 years ago.
She never wore it.
She was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, guess this is the occasion."
He took the slip from me and put it on
the bed with the other clothes
we were taking to the mortician.
His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,
then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me and said,

"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.
Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and
the days that followed when I helped him and
my niece attend to all the sad chores
that follow an unexpected death.
I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the
Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.
I thought about all the
things that she hadn't seen or heard or done.
I thought about the things
that she had done without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words,
and they've changed my life.
I'm reading more and dusting less.
I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the
view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.
I'm spending more time with my family and
friends and less time in committee meetings.

Whenever possible,
life should be a pattern of experience to savor,
not endure.
I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything;
we use our good china and crystal for every special
event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped,
the first camellia blossom.
I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.
My theory is if I look prosperous,
I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag
of groceries without wincing.
I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties;
clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses
that function as well as my party-going friends.
"Someday" and "one of these days"
are losing their grip on my vocabulary.
If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing,
I want to see and hear and
do it now.

I'm not sure what my sister would've done
had she known that she wouldn't be here
for the tomorrow we all take for granted.
I think she would have
called family members and a few close friends.
She might have called a few former friends to
apologize and mend fences for past squabbles.
I like to think she would have gone out
for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food.
I'm guessing.
I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry
if I knew that my hours were limited.
Angry because I put off seeing good friends
whom I was going to get in touch with -- someday.
Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters that I intended to write --
one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband
often enough how much I truly love him.
I'm trying very hard not to put off,
hold back, or save anything that
would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my
eyes, I tell myself that it is special.
Every day, every minute, every
breath truly is a gift from God.
You've got to dance like nobody's watching,
and love like it's never going to hurt....

People say true friends must always hold hands,
but true friends don't need
to hold hands because they know
the other hand will always be there.

Thanks to the many sources and the teachers for this knowledge
and wisdom that is helping us on our journey.