CRY, BABY, CRY, CHAPTERS 7, 8, 9, 512

I have been thinking about you a lot since your visit and wondering how I can best express myself, so you can understand your nervous stomach and eliminate the cause. One of the men who works for me was complaining Friday about the same problem, so I will just tell you what I told him.

As you already have been told by your doctor, the discomfort is caused by prolonged contraction of the transverse colon. This contraction is caused by your tension. The tension is caused by your subconscious. Your subconscious is reacting to your conscious thoughts. Your subconscious reaction is determined by past and present programming, as well as instincts inherent in the physical body. Your conscious thoughts are many and varied, so the basic cause of your nervous stomach might be a variety of thoughts, not just one.

Sis, you can't control, at this time, any of the intermediate steps which lead to your discomfort, but you can control your conscious thoughts. It is not a thing we naturally do, so you must learn to do it in the same manner that you learned how to cook, sew, play tennis or any other of a thousand things you have learned to do.

These conscious thoughts which lead to your discomfort are commonly called worry. The doctor probably told you to stop worrying. I remember Mother's doctor used to continuously tell Mother the same thing. The doctor is right. But, doctors don't ordinarily tell you how to stop worrying.

Before I tell you how to stop worrying, let's talk about worry for a moment. There is seldom any worry when we are actually face to face with a problem and our tension is being released to cope with the problem. The worry comes mostly before and, sometimes, after we have faced the problem. Once we are in the heat of battle, we don't have time to worry. Too often we worry about problems that never occur. But, you have heard all of this before; just thought I would remind you. Let's get on to how to stop worrying.

If "NO" - dismiss it, or consider how you might get control over the situation. If you have no control over the situation, you might consider whether or not it is actually your problem or someone else's. There are a lot of people who go around making the personal problems of others their own, when, in fact, it is none of their business.

4. Sit down, and write out exactly what you must do to solve the problem and when you must do it. If the time for action is now, do it now. Don't put it off. If the time for action is sometime in the future, dismiss the problem until the time for action arrives. You have already decided what you are going to do, and written it down, so there is no more need to think about it. There is a marvelously easy method for solving problems which I will tell you about some day if you ask me.

5. How to dismiss a trivial problem or one which might never occur. Make sure it is really unimportant. Then, every time the thought comes to you, say to yourself, "That is not important." and consciously switch your thoughts to something else.

6. What to do when an important problem comes to mind. Sometimes the problem is so tremendously important to you that, even though you have written out your course of action, you feel compelled to think about it every time it appears in your thoughts. In these cases you need a powerful, good thought to replace it. You can write one out yourself and memorize it, or use the one I will enclose. Keep it handy to read until memorized, and after memorizing it do not just mouth it like "Mary Had a Little Lamb," concentrate on each word and sentence as you say it. Say it out loud if there is no one around to think you have gone off your rocker.

7. As I said before, the way to stop worrying is to learn to control your conscious thoughts. Once you have learned-practice. There is a wonderful by-product from this ceasing to worry by controlling your thoughts. These good thoughts you use to replace the worry thoughts begin to manifest themselves, and the most wonderful things start happening to you . . . out of the blue, so it seems, but not really. You have actually created them.

In case you decide to pass these suggestions on to a friend who might also have a nervous stomach, be forewarned. This procedure will not work for a person who gets pleasure out of wallowing in self pity. It won't work for him because he is already doing what gives him pleasure, whether he admits it or not.

God and I are a majority of one. There is power in God only; therefore, only good can come to me.

I have nothing to fear. All my experiences are preparation for my purpose in being here. While I am being prepared, this purpose is slowly being revealed to me.

I wish only good and God's blessing for myself and everyone else. I have no friends or enemies, only teachers.

I forgive myself and everyone else for all past happenings I have supposed to be bad. I know that the all merciful God forgives as soon as the incident happens.

I once had a beautiful little girl friend who always rationalized any thing she wanted to do by saying, "We can't help our feelings." I agreed with her but tried to explain that even though we can't help our feelings, we can control our actions. In fact, controlling our actions when they are contrary to our feelings is what civilization is all about; it is one of the things that separates man from the animals.

If you have learned to control your actions, in spite of your feelings, you have come a long way. Have you really learned to control your actions? No doubt you can keep from striking someone when you are angry, but can you keep from gossiping about someone you don't like? When someone says an unkind word, do you snap back at him? A verbal lashing is often much more damaging than a physical one. Answer yourself truthfully, have you learned to control your actions?

When that little girl used to say, a long time ago, "We can't help our feelings," I was inclined to agree with her. Now I know better. We can control our feelings. We can control our feelings by controlling our thoughts. So now you are saying, "This man is really off his rocker. First he says we can control our feelings and now he is saying we can control our thoughts. Everyone knows that thoughts just come out of nowhere. We never know when they are going to come or what they are going to be." If this is what you are saying then you have one of the most marvelous experiences of your life to look forward to.

You can control your thoughts and by controlling your thoughts you can control your feelings. I had a very interesting conversation with a missionary several years ago. He was with a denomination I was not familiar with so I asked him questions about his church. He said that they did not allow sinners to be members of his church.. This was surprising, so I asked him how they determined who was and was not a sinner. He said they excluded such people as murders, thiefs, adulterers, and went on to name all the sins of the flesh. So, I asked him what they did about people who had not committed any of those sins but had committed sins of the spirit such as lust, anger, hate, vindictiveness, and greed. Did his church allow them to be members? He said, "We have no way of knowing what is in a person's heart or mind. I could only reply, "Oh!

You can control your feelings. It is easy to control your feelings. You can control your thoughts. It is not so easy to control your thoughts, at least it wasn't easy for me to learn to control my thoughts. Perhaps for you it will be easy. The reason it is so easy to control your feelings is because, once you learn to control your thoughts, you have your feelings under control.

I don't know where thoughts come from. They just come. And you can't keep them from coming. But, when an unpleasant, or unwanted, or uncomfortable thought arrives you don't have to dwell on it. You don't have to turn it upside down and around and examine it. You don't have to expand on it. Release it. Let it go. Replace it with a pleasant or constructive thought. Or, if you catch yourself expanding or dwelling on an unwanted thought, you might do as I do, say, "Cancel, cancel." And then start thinking about something different. You might even keep three or four pleasant thoughts on hand to be substituted whenever you need them. You might even memorize a pleasant poem or song to recite or sing when a destructive thought pops in.

If you like to wallow in these negative thoughts of self pity, doubt, lust, and vindictiveness then what I have just said is not going to make much difference to you. Of course, you will suffer the consequences but that is your privilege. You'll probably shrug it all off and say you are just unlucky, or accident prone, or naturally unhealthy. You'll find something or somebody to blame for all the nasty results. You'll never think to put the blame where it belongs, on your own thoughts and feelings.

I haven't forgotten, several years ago, I was riding with a friend in his car. Many times before I had seen cars with a small statue of the Virgin Mary sitting on the dash board but this was the first person I had known who had one in his car. Being always curious about people, I asked him why he had the statue there. He told me that it helped him to keep his thoughts on a high plane. I thought, "He is a little far out." That may be just exactly what you are thinking when I say you can control your thoughts.

Of course it is your privilege to accept it or reject it, I wouldn't have it any other way, but, "DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU HAVE TRIED IT." It will be an experience you will never forget because, once you get the hang of it, you will not have it any other way.

When I say try it, I don't mean just do it once, I mean practice it for several weeks until it becomes natural to you. Don't worry if you forget a few times while you are learning. Just say, "Cancel, cancel," and start again. The first thing you know, the people will be friendlier, the days will be brighter, you will have more energy and enthusiasm, and all kinds of wonderful things will start happening to you.

As long as I'm on the subject of having wonderful things happen to you I might as well share another secret a very wonderful man told me about. Tomorrow when you go to work or go shopping, every time you meet or pass someone, say to yourself, "God bless you." Now don't be a kook and say it out loud or it won't work. I'm not going to tell you what the outcome of this little trick will be. I would rather you found out for yourself.

"Hello, Mary dear. My, you do look terrible, so pale. You must be suffering horribly with that gall bladder. When are they going to operate? It had better be soon, or you'll never make it. So pale, and your eyes are so sick looking. That's it, your eyes. I can see the pain in your eyes. But, that's all right, soon it will all be over. Did I ever tell you about my Aunt Gussie? She had the same gall bladder trouble you have. Come to think of it, she looked a lot like you. Of course, I guess it was all her fault. We tried to get her to go to see a doctor, but she wouldn't; just kept getting sicker and sicker. When she finally went to the hospital, it was just too late. The doctor said the operation was a success, but Aunt Gussie died anyhow. If she had only listened to us."

Dear Aunt Gussie... she probably listened to this stupid person more than she realized. That's probably what killed her. Just as the visitor, with her stupidity, is now promoting death for dear Mary.

It's called psychic death. The patient is programmed to die even before the operation takes place. His subconscious mind has accepted the suggestion that he will not survive the operation, so he dies. Where did his subconscious mind get the suggestion? Possibly, it was gotten from a well meaning, but stupid friend or a member of the family, although there are many other ways the suggestion might have been planted.

"Hello Jack, old buddy, how do you feel? That bad, huh? That's too bad; maybe it won't last too long. We missed you at the office. Figured I ought to stop in to see how you are dong. Your work is sure piling up. You know that interview you were supposed to have the day you got sick, the one with old man Crabapple? Well, the boss said nobody can handle old Crabapple like good old Jack, so he is stalling him until you are back on your feet again.

Poor old Jack. Here he went to all the trouble to make himself sick in order to avoid the interview with old man Crabapple. Now, Mr. Stupid, his fellow office worker, comes in and causes a relapse. At best, Jack will probably spend a sleepless night and feel worse. If old Crabapple is frightening enough, Jack will prolong his sickness several more days, or maybe "catch some other disease while he is in the hospital. He might even decide to go back to work immediately, so he can face Crabapple while he is feeling so bad nothing else matters.

Whatever Jack decides to do, Mr. Stupid has left the hospital, swelled with pride that he has done his brotherly duty by visiting his friend.

Of course, you would never do anything so stupid. . . or would you? How wonderful it would be if we could suppress this social conscience and let our fellow man avoid his problem in peace. Of course, it will be more wonderful when we all can quit using sickness and accidents to avoid our problems. Until that day comes, we should recognize disease and accidents for what they are, and not make the patient's problem worse just to salve our conscience.

If I were a medical doctor, I would hang a "No Visitors" sign on the door of all my hospital patients, and let each patient invite the visitors he wanted. The patient subconsciously knows his problem, and he won't invite the person who would make it worse. Neither would I allow any incoming phone calls.

I'm not sure how we fall into these detrimental social habits, such as the compulsion to visit sick people. Since it is bound to continue for a long time, the next best thing is to try to inform people of the do's and don'ts of a responsible visitor.

The patient is in the hospital because of his own wrong thinking, and for no other reason. I will explain this as simply as I can. Our subconscious mind is our obedient servant. It does exactly as we tell it to, without reasoning or argument. Our subconscious mind controls our body. It can produce good health or sickness, depending on what instructions it has been given. The instructions to the subconscious come from the conscious mind, the mind you use during your waking hours to make all the decisions which must be made during any normal day. Your subconscious mind also receives instructions from your emotions, the type of instructions depending on how you react to situations you encounter through the day.

Of course, the patient didn't consciously tell his subconscious, "I am involved in a disagreeable situation so make me sick." There have been such cases, but let's assume that the patient you are about to visit was not quite that desperate. Let's say, instead, that the patient thought, "I am in an intolerable situation which I would like to be free of." This thought was fed to the subconscious and the subconscious, being the obedient mechanism that it is, started at once to get the patient out of the situation. It is at this time that all our past thoughts, actions and reactions start working, for good or bad.

If we have built up a pattern of mature approaches to situations, facing up to them and working them out, then this is the approach we will take to solve this one. If, on the other hand, we have discovered through past experience that we can avoid the situation by becoming sick, the subconscious will obligingly make us sick. Obviously, the patient has taken this approach or you wouldn't be coming to visit him.

Before you start condemning your friend or relative because he took this approach, or denying the truth of what I say, because you too get sick, let me point out one important fact. Sickness is a socially acceptable solution to problems. Suppose that the patient, instead of building up a pattern of sickness, had solved his past similar problems by shooting the person whom he thought had created his problem. The patient wouldn't be in the hospital, he would be in jail.

Now you know why the patient is sick. But, you say, "My friend is not sick. He had an accident. He fell down the steps and broke his leg." I can only answer you by saying, whether you accept it or not, that there are no accidents. When your friend fell down and broke his leg, it was his subconscious solution to his problem. You have no doubt heard of people who are called "accident prone", people who have built up such a consistent pattern of solving their problems with accidents that they nearly always select this solution. Some people only use it occasionally, depending on the situation. If you are not ready to accept these facts, don't worry about it. For some reason, people will accept the fact that a person will hang himself, take his own life, to get out of a disagreeable situation but won't accept the fact that a person will break an arm or a leg to get out of a less serious situation.

Are you sure your friend or relative wants you to visit him? Has he asked you to come? Are you doing it because you think it is your duty, that it is the socially acceptable thing to do?

Let's suppose the patient is an office worker and problems at the office have gotten to be too much for him to take any longer. His subconscious has made him sick to get him away from the office and give him a rest. Now you, one of his fellow office workers, comes in an reminds him of all the troubles he left at the office. Are you helping him or hindering him? Wouldn't it be better to leave a card at the information desk or wouldn't it be even better to wait until he returns to work and simply say, "We are glad to have you back?" Think about it.

O.K., so you have decided that it is in the patient's best interest to have you visit him. You already know that the patient is in the hospital because of his erroneous past thinking, so all your actions and conversation should be directed toward relieving the situation, or at least, not making it any worse.

DO enter the room with a smile on your face. Keep a cheerful disposition. The hospital room is not a morgue. He isn't dead yet.

DON'T ask the patient how he feels. You are not a doctor and can't do anything about it anyhow. You will only cause the patient to concentrate again on his aches and pains and cause slower healing. He has already had plenty of time to worry about them without your reminding him again.

DO greet him with, "It's good to see you." Or, if he is looking good, tell him so. Keep it simple, keep it cheerful.

DO keep your visit short, even if the patient is one of these people who thinks he is socially obligated to say, "Can't you stay a little longer." Of course, this does not apply to situations where the patient needs nursing care and a friend or relative takes on this duty.

DON'T tell the patient about someone you know or read about who had the same problem and died or had to spend a considerable length of time recuperating.

DON'T stand just outside the patient's door and hold a whispered conversation with the doctor, or anyone else.

If the patient is unconscious or asleep, DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE when you are within his hearing range. He can hear even though he is unconscious or asleep, and you have no way of knowing how he will be affected by what you say. So don't say anything.

DO offer to take care of some of the patient's everyday chores that everyone has to do when he is up and about, such as mowing his lawn, collecting his mail and newspapers, checking on the children, or paying his hospital bill.

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Thanks to Pat H. Hadsell, the many sources and the teachers for this knowledge
and wisdom that is helping us on our journey.

Cry, Baby, Cry

Create a New You

by Pat H. Hadsell